Yes, she will continue to question and second guess and despair over every decision, every activity, every harsh word that manages to escape her lips, and she will wonder every single day if she is screwing it all up. But at the end of the day when she kisses those cherub cheeks goodnight, she will wonder how she became the most blessed woman on the planet. And she will wake up to do it all again tomorrow... Or in a couple hours because who are we kidding? Moms never clock out.
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With Mother's Day almost here, I am being intensely vulnerable. I have gone through this twice and there was nothing easy about it. Some pieces of this journey were downright terrifying because I didn't realize it could be so intense. Miscarriage is one of the loneliest places you can find yourself, because nobody really talks about it so you think you're falling apart and you are sure something is terribly wrong with you. If this is in any way helpful to any woman, my work here is done. Please feel free to share with another miscarriage mama if you find any piece of this to be relevant.
They beg me to come out and play with them, but fact is, I'm so bad at anything sports related I will literally ingrain all the bad habits. However, I always feel bad about declining their requests, so I bought myself a little time by telling them if Dad plays baseball with them when he comes home from his shop, I will play with them. They were all over that, Snapchatting their dad the news about Mom agreeing to play ball. Next thing I know, Dad's home and, well, that's where we're going to end my story because I'm pretty sure the dog could play baseball better than I do.
This particular July morning we woke up to the very air begging for adventure. The clear blue sky and the warm scent of Summer carried on a gentle breeze was calling our names. We packed a little picnic and took the boys to discover the rugged beauty that is the Devil's Punchbowl just South of Menomonie. It was paradise down there, with the rushing water falling in streams from up above echoing against the cavernous walls, and the scenery somewhat reminiscent of the Jungle Book. There were pools of water and little streams, and the way the sunlight filtered through the trees and reflected off the walls and the water was magical.
Motherhood. The most secure of all job titles, for she will never be fired from it; but her salary becomes the deepest insecurity known to mankind of imminent failure. Motherhood feels like a world of judges with no jury, the verdict remaining guilty until proven innocent. It feels tiring and thankless but then she looks into the eyes of her child and every single teardrop of agony is but a tiny price to pay for this love she could have never prepared herself for.
I admit, it's probably weird that I get excited when I hear of someone having a Down's baby. I just want to croon and aww and say congratulations over and over on giving birth to such a beautiful person. I really can't help myself. You see, for me, I consider myself blessed and fortunate to have grown up with a brother who has Down's.
Exciting, hands-on projects that stimulate their brains and generates innovative creativity.
Let them be little, and let them be heroes even as the stuffing falls out of their thread-bare costumes. Give them space to be wild and free. Let them climb trees and explore the horizons of magic and wonder.
When my babies and my childhood best friend's babies are best friends.
I will let them be little
fill their hearts with laughter
help them grow wings
nurture their sense of wonder
inspire them to believe
and love them like
there is no tomorrow.
The things they learn while enjoying themselves is knowledge that stays with them.
14. What is my favorite food?
Salad. Rabbit stuff.
15. What makes you proud of me?
Because you're cute.
15. What makes you proud of me?
Hmmm... Let me think about it. Giving me hugs and kisses.
16. If I were a character, who would I be?
17. What do we enjoy doing together?
So there's this lovely park in our town. We have made a lot of memories here... Pretty pertinent ones even, like getting engaged under a pavilion overlooking the lake at sunset just before the red tinted clouds dropped a romantic Spring rain on us.
That day she finally stood up for herself and the safety of her children was day one that she proved to herself and the world that she's stronger than she ever realized.